Last week, the Miami Marlins opened their new ballpark to great public fanfare (as well as some private derision amongst our friends.) You see, the Miami Marlins have a new “home run” sculpture which can only be described as a Lisa Frank-inspired facacta water sculpture extravaganza:
In addition to that sculpture being one of the goofiest things I’ve ever seen in a ballpark, the Marlins also made some noise this week when it was revealed that the women’s bathrooms in the stadium had no mirrors. According to the Miami Herald twitter account, “Public women’s bathroom at #Marlins have no mirrors. Reason: they don’t want female fans taking time to primp.”
While most people aren’t really sure why this would motivate the Marlins to eliminate the mirrors, I have a few unanswered questions:
- I should be offended by this, right?
- Or is this supposed to only be insulting to women from Miami?
- Do the men’s bathrooms have mirrors?
- Do the women’s bathrooms at AmericanAirlines Arena have mirrors?
As a woman, I’ve got to say, I don’t ask a lot from my stadium bathrooms (as a user of the Fenway Park pre-renovation era women’s bathrooms, how could I?), but a mirror seems to be a basic amenity. Even crappy gas station bathrooms on I-70 between St. Louis and Kansas City have mirrors. (Never mind the fact that all they do is amplify the fact that you are in a crappy gas station bathroom in Middle-of-Nowhere, Missouri.) Here’s what I think women require in a stadium bathroom: clean toilet, availability of toilet paper, feminine product disposal in-stall, sink, soap, mirror, hand-drying apparatus. And yeah – a mirror is actually necessary. All I really want to do in the mirror is make sure there’s no mustard in my hair – that doesn’t take more than 15 seconds. Besides, women primping in front of the mirror is not what holds us up in the bathroom. Things just take longer when you have to remove your pants to pee.
The part of this that is bothersome is that this action by the Marlins makes it seem like they think female attendees would spend all day in the bathroom primping rather than watching the game. Now personally, I go to baseball games to watch the game, but even if I did go to the game and spend time in the bathroom primping, why should the Marlins care about this? I’ve already purchased my ticket and gotten in the door of your stadium, and I’ve probably already bought a beer and a hot dog. It really doesn’t matter where I spend that time, as long as I spend the money on a ticket and maybe buy something while I’m in the stadium. If I happen to look in the mirror along the way, well again, there’s that pesky mustard-in-hair problem (especially when I’m wearing Red Sox gear in Yankee Stadium.)
A mirror seems like a pretty basic amenity to me, and if the Marlins were trying to avoid bathroom congestion from primping, well, then they probably play in the wrong city. (Sorry, Meeamians.)