Miami Marlins Don’t Like Mirrors

Last week, the Miami Marlins opened their new ballpark to great public fanfare (as well as some private derision amongst our friends.)  You see, the Miami Marlins have a new “home run” sculpture which can only be described as a Lisa Frank-inspired facacta water sculpture extravaganza:

ALL OF THE COLORS!!! (Via BusinessInsider)

In addition to that sculpture being one of the goofiest things I’ve ever seen in a ballpark, the Marlins also made some noise this week when it was revealed that the women’s bathrooms in the stadium had no mirrors.  According to the Miami Herald twitter account, “Public women’s bathroom at #Marlins have no mirrors.  Reason: they don’t want female fans taking time to primp.”

While most people aren’t really sure why this would motivate the Marlins to eliminate the mirrors, I have a few unanswered questions:

  1. I should be offended by this, right?
  2. Or is this supposed to only be insulting to women from Miami?
  3. Do the men’s bathrooms have mirrors?
  4. Do the women’s bathrooms at AmericanAirlines Arena have mirrors?

As a woman, I’ve got to say, I don’t ask a lot from my stadium bathrooms (as a user of the Fenway Park pre-renovation era women’s bathrooms, how could I?), but a mirror seems to be a basic amenity.  Even crappy gas station bathrooms on I-70 between St. Louis and Kansas City have mirrors.  (Never mind the fact that all they do is amplify the fact that you are in a crappy gas station bathroom in Middle-of-Nowhere, Missouri.)  Here’s what I think women require in a stadium bathroom: clean toilet, availability of toilet paper, feminine product disposal in-stall, sink, soap, mirror, hand-drying apparatus.  And yeah – a mirror is actually necessary.  All I really want to do in the mirror is make sure there’s no mustard in my hair – that doesn’t take more than 15 seconds.  Besides, women primping in front of the mirror is not what holds us up in the bathroom.  Things just take longer when you have to remove your pants to pee.

The part of this that is bothersome is that this action by the Marlins makes it seem like they think female attendees would spend all day in the bathroom primping rather than watching the game.  Now personally, I go to baseball games to watch the game, but even if I did go to the game and spend time in the bathroom primping, why should the Marlins care about this?  I’ve already purchased my ticket and gotten in the door of your stadium, and I’ve probably already bought a beer and a hot dog.  It really doesn’t matter where I spend that time, as long as I spend the money on a ticket and maybe buy something while I’m in the stadium.  If I happen to look in the mirror along the way, well again, there’s that pesky mustard-in-hair problem (especially when I’m wearing Red Sox gear in Yankee Stadium.)

A mirror seems like a pretty basic amenity to me, and if the Marlins were trying to avoid bathroom congestion from primping, well, then they probably play in the wrong city.  (Sorry, Meeamians.)

7 comments on “Miami Marlins Don’t Like Mirrors

  1. I’m pretty sure that the ladies’ rooms at the Steelers’ Heinz Field (at least up in the nosebleeds where our seats are) don’t have mirrors above the sinks, but if I recall correctly, there are mirrors in the bathroom, just not above the sinks. I could be wrong on this–but I know I’ve seen that SOMEWHERE. I think it was like that at Target Center when I went to a WNBA Lynx game too? (dear god I have a terrible memory)

    Even if I am wrong, would it have been THAT HARD to do something like that?

  2. Doesn’t seem right if they have decided men can have mirrors but women can’t be trusted with them.

    On the other hand, is there any chance their motivation is to maintain a speedy flow of traffic in and out of the restrooms for the benefit of other female fans who might otherwise have to wait in line? I imagine a line could build up around the sinks/mirrors which could effect traffic.

    Also, does a long line at the sink cause people to give up and exit without hand washing? I have observed this in the men’s rooms at stadiums. Should we prioritize hygiene over other concerns (like hair mustard?)

    Just playing devil’s advocate

    • I understand the concept of wanting to maintain speedy flow out of the bathroom. A long line at the sink in a women’s bathroom would never stop me from waiting and washing my hands, but I’m not a dude. But if they are that worried about people not washing their hands, install hand sanitizer dispensers?

      Vero commented on Facebook yesterday that she expects that the Marlins did this because “they dont want marlins games to be like heat games- a fashion show for Miami girls because they run into half the people they know at the games.”

  3. Isn’t this also the stadium where they decided to put fish tanks behind home plate? Because… you know… the fish want to see the game too. And won’t be at all terrified by *thousands of screaming fans*. And because stadiums are their natural habitat. Obviously.

  4. the marlins hit into a double play!

    hey, ozzie look in the mirror! you’re in a town filled with exiled cubans. it’s kind of dumb to say (again) you “love the guy [Castro],” no? that’s a rookie mistake.

    hey, marlins, look in the mirror twice — you are the real embarrassment here for suspending a manager for, what? — throwing a game, molesting a child? — no, for being outspoken off the field! pathetic.

  5. I laughed at “Lisa Frank-inspired facacta water sculpture extravaganza.” I’m all for adventurousness in design but that just looks like a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper barfed all over outfield.

    And no mirrors in the bathroom? Really? What a weird decision on their part. I thought it was pretty well-documented that the issue with “potty parity” is that women need more toilets than men because we can’t just whip our junk out and point it into a trough, we actually have to sit down and stuff. I’m curious to know more behind that decision.

  6. As a Phillies fan I have always been perplexed by the Marlins (a divisional rival). The Marlins, in less than 20 years, have won as many World Series as the Phillies have in 120 years. Impressive. And after each win they set about dismantling their teams, selling off the pieces and letting their best players walk. Has to be incredibly frustrating as a fan.

    Finally they decide to build a new stadium in the hopes of attracting a more dedicated fan base and increasing payroll. They end up with a “modern” clunker that I suspect will look kitschy and dated by…wait, it already does. Also, those uniforms!

    Hearing that they don’t want their games to become like Heat games is part and parcel with their bumbling strategy. Why would you want to emulate the Heat? They are only the most successful franchise in South Florida and one of the most successful in their league.

    As for the sculpture: gaudy and probably distracting for the batters. The team’s owner Jeffrey Loria is apparently a big art collector and commissioned Red Grooms to do the Home Run statue. Its hideous but will probably worth a lot of money at some point so hopefully they sell it and replace it with something more sensible. Another giant fish tank?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *